Grown children helping parents? Yes or no? Along with other connections from the readings

Li says, "Grown children are morally obligated to help their aged parents, regardless of any situation the child is in." This is essentially what he is saying. I'll make a point about why later.

English says, "Grown children are not morally obligated to help their aged parents, and should only help them if the grown children have a love and friendship with their parents."

(English is mainly referred to her main idea above, and to her long examples in this blog.)


First off, I mainly agree with English. Many points she brought up were fantastically accurate to my beliefs and logic.One atrocious point Li made that I wholeheartedly disagree with was "What if grown children do not make enough money to support their aged parents" (Li 345). His response was baffling and completely out of line. "Have not people found themselves with fewer rooms in their house than children in the family? Have not people found their budget is tight because they have more children than their money can adequately support? Yes, of course they have" (Li 345), this to me is insinuating that if grown children enduring these already pressing hardships, that they should be able to care for their parents as well seeing that they are already putting up with other hardships similar. Why? Li makes numerous assumptions to back up that we are clearly forever and ever in debt to our parents for giving us life, but there's a BREAKING POINT. A grown child needs to focus on his INITIAL dependents. A grown child should NOT go broke trying to assist their aged parents. This is asking for entirely too much if you have other factors that direly need your support, and were there first! Just raw thoughts being put down after I read this section:

Me: What if we have issues, financially or other means that could hinder your dependents to the point of severe financial issues?

Li: YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK. You may be short on cash, but you can make it work. You can. You just can. You must, it's your duty. You'll finally know a portion of hardship that your parents dealt with.

Me: BUT WHAT IF WE TRULY CANT, are you only going to say yea you still can! Im already experiencing this hardship with my kids!! What if I go under by supporting my dependents (Wife, kids) and have no choice, but to support these dependents only, and have done this many years before my aged parents required assistance? There are clearly issues with this "duty" of ours!!

I believe this was one of the worst points he tried to justify in his writing. Sure Mom and Dad, I'll help you out and make myself and my family suffer into possible bankruptcy to support you. English makes the most logical example one could in such a situation. First there are parents who have two kids and these parents have equal love towards each. One child had to be taken care more of due to illness and this kid also got into a lot of trouble with the law. The other kid wasn't a problem child. They are both loved equally and as one would predict the problem child was poor and somehow living far away from her parents and the tame child was a wealthy lawyer living close to her parents. Logically, who should help their parents? The conditions of love and friendship are felt between all parties. One would logically suggest that the Grown child who is a lawyer help their parents for: They have love and friendship with them, are wealthy enough to do so, and live closer. Li would require the problem child who is far away and already broke to assist as well. That is insane, that is asinine! This is as clear as an example as one could make for such a situation. When things meld together, as in the children are middle class and living close to their parents, both should help as long as nothing is immensely injuring either.



As for why we are forever obligated to assist our parents, Li says we are supposed to because they sacrificed a lot for us and we can never pay them back. I'm not denying this, but it isn't entirely sound when compared to English. He comes off as we are just forever and ever devoted our parents because of the sacrifices they made for us during childhood. It is true we didn't ask for it, why are we obligated to it? He is basing this obligation off of the assumptions that we so deeply appreciate what was done for us when we realize it and so we must return the favor even though there are people who do not appreciate anything their parents may have done for them. This ties into English's argument that what if a Grown child feels no love or friendship towards their parent? They shouldn't be obligated to help them. Why would you feel obligated to help someone who is despised, or not at all appreciated in your eye? Sure, it's a cold answer, but it is true. This is attempted and I think successfully backup by many examples of people helping out other people in English's article. Our parents sacrificed a lot for us to try to connect a bond between us, this being friendship and love. When this bond grows stronger than the hardness of a diamond, you know your grown child will do whatever they can to help you back. What if it is weaker than a baby, or not even existent? What's the point of helping? Because they sacrificed a lot for us Li would reply. They don't deserve our help out of obligation, but more possibly out of general kindness if we make the decision. English made an example of neighbor A going on vacation and neighbor B mowing his lawn for the 2 weeks he is gone. It was a favor in hopes of creating a friendship. Neighbor B would not be obligated to help back to something of the same extent unless he had the same intentions. I am in huge agreement with much of what English has to say about family morality, because some of these examples actually make sense where Li is just saying you are obligated in this case and that case. A favor requires a favor in return even if you didn't ask for it. This is hard to deny, but I am going to anyways because Li somewhat ignores the intentions behind the favor and look at more about the action itself. This person sacrificed his time and gave effort doing this without you asking him, so you must do the same because he sacrificed. I am so on the fence with Li, I am a generally helpful person if put in such a situation and I most likely would help my neighbor if they did this for me, but English explains it more logically in my opinion so I feel more incline to agree with her opinion. I feel like I am coming off as rude, incredibly cold, and insensible denying Li. I feel guilty denying Li. I am incredibly perturbed by this. His system could possibly have a lot of support thanks to guilt, but in the end I'll stick with English.