Small favors are chump change

Jane English, in her "What Children Owe Parents," is careful to make a distinction between what a child owes a parent and what a child ought to do for a parent. English discards the notion of "owing" as inappropriate for a filial relationship. Favors done by parents shouldn't be thought of as investments to be cashed in later, but rather as creating and deepening relationships. There is no debt to be repaid by a daughter to her parents for raising and caring for her. English clarifies that filial obligation is rooted in love and relationships, rather than in an accounting of favors. And English does believe that filial obligation exists, but that it begins and ends with the filial relationship.

I am inclined to agree with English. It's not difficult to envision a situation in which a child has been accorded many "favors" over the years by his parents. Later in life, the parents call in these favors. Even if the child were to have fallen out with his parents, he would be obligated to return each and every favor he received from his parents, perhaps including the very gift of life. It would not be reasonable to expect this child to lay down his life for the parents he no longer had a relationship with merely on the basis that his parents were the ones who gave him that life in the first place. It would be equally unreasonable to expect him to repay the favors of his upbringing with donations of organs or blood plasma. I agree with English; in such a case the child's obligation is the same as that of any person to a stranger. It makes more sense to consider filial obligation from the framework of relationships. These favors of giving life and upbringing are not favors at all, but rather work to establish a relationship with the child. If this loving relationship is maintained, the child is left with a moral responsibility as a member of this mutual loving relationship to provide aid to his parents. But the relationship is absolutely key; if it is dissolved, so too is all filial obligation.