Obligations to Parents

In Jane English’s excerpt from What Do Grown Children Owe Their Parents?, she includes a section focusing specifically on “Parents and Children”. In this section she argues that the extent to which a child “owes” their parents depends on the level of friendship between the child and his/her parents. English feels that if a person has a strong friendship with their parents and is well off, financially for example, that child has an obligation to help his/her parents; however, if the individual is not well off, and/or does not have a strong relationship with their parents, they do not have an obligation to help his/her parents, no matter how much the parents had done for them when the individual was a child. It seems that in this sense, English makes a very good argument, and I personally agree with her.

 Although, as English states, “owe” seems to be the wrong word to describe the obligation towards one’s parents, it would make sense that if a strong relationship between an individual and their parents is present, that individual would naturally feel an obligation to help his/her parents. To contrast the obligation one would seem to naturally feel if they were close and had a good friendship with their parents, it also is the case that if one did not have a good relationship with their parents that individual would feel no obligation to help their parents, thus not “owing” them anything. The best example that comes to mind is the way that a child was treated when he/she was growing up. If a child grew up in a loving, respectful home with a close relationship to their parents, when the child grows up and a time comes that his/her parents are in need of help, that child would think of all the good things that his/her parents had done for them in the past and feel an obligation to help the parents. If the child has the means to, the child will definitely feel that obligation and will most likely aid their parents; however, even if an individual did not have the means to aid their parents, it would seem that they still feel an obligation to their parents and may even search for alternative ways to go about helping their parents. Contrasting that, if a child were to have grown up in a home that was, for example, abusive and unloving, that child would not develop a strong friendship with his/her parents, and thus would not feel an obligation to them when a time came that they were then in need. If this time were to come, the individual in question would seemingly think back to the past and the negativity that was presented during childhood, as well as the lack of good relationship or friendship between themselves and their parents, and feel absolutely no obligation towards their parents due to the lack of positivity while growing up.

The friendship between child and parent does not necessarily have to be during childhood, as English points out, but it can also be gained or lost as the individual grows as a person. If parents were there for an individual during childhood, but have a falling out and are not there for the individual for years, when the parents were in need the child would also feel no obligation to help them. On the other hand, if parents were not there for an individual during childhood, yet make an appearance and end up staying in the individual’s life while forming a close friendship, that individual may feel obligation to help them when a time comes that they are in need.